Strange Criteria

8 05 2012

I downloaded a free dictionary online that stipulated a fee if I travelled using an airplane within the past 12 months. Who thinks this stuff up? Is there a corporate office that hires people to sit at a table, brainstorm, and think of ways to make money? If there was, this is what the meeting might sound like.

“Alright people, let’s begin our meeting,” said Doofus, the head of the company. “You all received the memo outlining the agenda; we must think of ways to make money and charge for this online dictionary program.”

Cashy began first. “I suggest we charge people who smoke.  After all, smoking is a luxury,” she said.

“Yeah, but Doofus smokes, so maybe we should charge people who eat cheese cake instead, that’s a luxury, right?” replied Greedo

“But we all love deserts,” said Cashy.

“Wait, we’re going about this wrong,” responded Moreo, “what’s good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander.”

“Ah, true, true,” said Greedo with a sinister laugh and somewhat confused.

Slopia stepped in. “It’s the other way around.”

Nobody seemed to know. “Never mind, the gander never knows what’s good for them anyway, they need a leader to tell them what to do,” added Cashy. Sounded somewhat okay so everyone nodded in relief.

“Wait,” interjected Doofus, “I’ve got it.” He stood up as if pinched by a needle on his backside.  “For those who fly. Yes. We’ll charge those who fly.”

“Fly?” repeated Greedo. Didn’t they all fly?

Cashy looked at Greedo, “Fly, you know, people who get on an airplane.”

After a second of thought, they all broke out in cheer. Slopia wasn’t quickly swayed. “I’m not sure,” she replied, without going into any further explanation.

The group stopped their cheering and looked at her. Slopia was like a sober wet rag. She wanted to get out early because she saw a pair of shoes she wanted to buy, and so she quickly changed her tune. “Of course, flying is the perfect idea,” she retorted. But to herself, she thought the idea sounded even more ridiculous when she voiced it aloud. Something for free is free, she thought; putting criteria on a free item really isn’t free, this is false advertising, especially for something as vital as a dictionary; people who deal with words know better than to manipulate, when in fact, they have the responsibility to bring truth. And flying? Didn’t they all fly? Plus, this made learning the English language difficult to foreigners. How were foreigners to arrive if not to fly? In the end, Slopia didn’t care enough, so to look like she was in agreement, she screamed aloud,“Best idea ever. Yahoooo!” Wereupon the meeting resumed its sports arena like cheering.

ImageThat’s the way the company came up with the criteria for using the free, only if, download to their online dictionary.

Airlines now provide a free dictionary download to their customers to make up the neglect caused by this dictionary company to people who use airlines for transportation.

Note: This is a fictitious article, except that these types of characters do exist, and the part about the dictionary download. There really is an online dictionary that charges you a fee if you use an airplane for travel. Everyone, back to hot air balloons!

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